Growing

Plants have it easy. Their future, for the most part, is mapped out. Their purpose is defined. A seed turns into a seedling then a plant. It does it best to reproduce then it dies. Sometimes I wish it were that easy for me.

What is my purpose? What do I want to be?

Professionally, my list keeps growing: a lavender farmer in Provence, a vegetable farmer in Ashton, a corporate trainer, a marketing executive, a nursery owner, a jam maker, a development officer, a farm produce coop farmer, a higher ed administrator.

Personally, I want to be a good wife and a good mom. I want my kids to be independent but have strong roots in my home and in my heart. I want to have a few great friends that I adore rather than many on the periphery of my life. I want treat our earth with respect. I want to be a contributing member of my community, nation and world. At the end of my life, I want God to say, 'You fulfilled the purpose I set for you. Well done.'

I used to think I could do anything I wanted. I'm smart enough. I have the drive. Lately I'm not so sure. Somewhere along the line something changed. I got married. I had kids. I bought a house. I got a dog. My time is not my own. It's not just about me and what I want anymore. Along with responsibility comes the need to prioritize and put others before myself.

My sister believes the purpose of life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate. Above all to matter, to count, to stand for something. To have your life make some difference.

It's a good reality check to think about who I want to make a difference to and in what order. I'm hoping that will drive my priorities as I plot my course.